#UnspokenWord: Letters to Myself (the manuscript)

Making Art

To you it’s just white paper with black words.

No feelings no understanding.

Thoughts just blurred.

Mind shaper a Creator.

Reflect on the respect for talent with a pen and a paper.

Understand the way the thoughts get translated.

A group of words that last forever.

Nothings better.

Buried treasure.

This is my gift and talent.

My hard work and passion.

To turn paper into art.

Mixing hope with reality.

Having a heart to heart.

But like I assumed you won’t understand.

The way that my hand.

Moves with my best friend.

When the days get dark.

I lose faith in heart.

Things seem a bit coarse.

Looking for friends.

I lose all support.

Please believe.

MY best friend will never leave.

I funnel my energy into thinking.

Creating a mouth on a pen and having the ink speaking.

Only to realize that when I’m finished.

I’m back at the start.

A pen and blank paper mixing

To make art.

Mission

I’m here on a different mission.

You see earth as a place for living.

I see it much more than a place of existence.

Much more than a jaded image in a prism.

Much more than an experience that we get to witness.

Much more than the confines of our own personal prisons.

I’m here to be different.

I’m here to make a reality out of a vision.

I’m here to show people how to break personal limits.

I’m here to speak.

Even if nobody’s listening.

Here to fight.

Even if I get booed off the mic.

Gifted by sight.

To see paradise on the horizon.

Here to encourage people to keep trying.

To spread our wings and start flying.

To keep moving.

To keep climbing.

I’m here to lift the people so we can keep rising.

I’m here to do much more than just living.

I’m here.

On a mission…

Life is about the balance of duality. We are both physical and spiritual beings, needing to nourish both the thrive. A lot of people believe in the pursuit of happiness, I believe in the pursuit of Joy. To live a joyous life, it has to be a life of deeper purpose that will give you the strength to endure any obstacles that will show up along the journey. Strength that only comes though balance.

Internal Hatred 08-09

I hate my body and my conscious for violating my space towards my accomplishments. I despise my eyes for blinding my sight and staggering my attempts at clear vision, which restricts unrestricted living. My brain is a trap trying to keep me still on the track of life with bickering and gripes. I hate my hands for their retreat from the chance to fight… against my struggles that try and leave me weak. I hate my feet for trying to run from the obstacles on my narrow path to greatness. I hate my conscious for trying to cloud my heart with nonsense. I hate my confidence just because it’s attached to my conscious which only has sight from my eyes…which tells the heart lies. Hate is a strong phrase and I use it in so many ways. But it’s simple and clear that my flesh even at it’s best will run from honor and victory. But I do love the one gift that was sent to me because uplifting to me, because it wants the best for me always at battle with my flesh to overcome whatever the next test would be. My flesh is the coward but my soul has been showered with all the tools to rise on my 25th hour. My soul is true power battling to conquer self, stable and will always fight to keep me on track and battle my flesh from trying to hold me back. My soul is my gift and will always uplift different from flesh because it will never quit. Never run away from danger its strength is blatant only striving for greatness always chasing it’s dreams until it rest upon it’s goal…thank you for being strong and as i close one more thing…this is from me to you…love always my dear soul.

Thoughts:

When focused on the duality of life, the soul and the spirit become the engine of our experience on earth. The mind is a trap because of the potential falsehood of our perceptions. If we don’t realize that we frame our perspective by the underlying story that we tell ourself, we lose out on the opportunity to manufacture the life that we want to live. The power in life lies in the ability to see the unseen and to bring that into the physical realm. The body is a tool for the spirit to connect with the world, not merely a vessel to enjoy the pleasures of human existence. Our spirit lets us know that there’s more here for us.

Black Roses

Man I gotta be killing this prophecy

Einstein Nostradamus and Socrates

Only…

I’m more chocolatey

The representation of a black rose.

Concrete and weeds

Is where my seeds were sown

Left alone

They have no idea that a black rose has grown

Typically

In the shadows

The seeds unravel

Trying to sprout…

Many lose the battle.

What I’ve done…

Is found a way to track the sun..

That’s when life begun…

And I declared the battle with self as won…

I started chasing trees

Because as giants they could see much more than me…

So I followed and kept real close…

Quiet with my footsteps but fast with my notes…

They were being watched…

And they didn’t even know…

The blueprint is what I’ve found and back home is where I go…

It’s not the great news that I have…

It’s the things that I can show…

Lessons on tracking the sun…

So many more black roses can grow.

In life followership is just as important as leadership. Some of the same elements that make a good leader, make a good follower and being a follower means that you’re learning. Books and magazines are 24/7 portals to mentors, dead and alive. Reading gives you a chance to have a one on one conversation and absorb their wisdom, incorporating it into your life. Achievement is an intentional act that can be manufactured and replicated. It takes work ethic. I want to teach young black men the work ethic needed for self-mastery. Self-mastery is the key that will unlock all of your potential.

Fetal Position

I find myself bent and twisted

In fetal position

Solitary confinement

Starvation protest

So I’m close to dying

Spent time sacrificing

Like a fein

For the green

Addicted to the pursuit of the American dream

I walk lightly upon my path

Knowing that each step presents a different trap

And I need to code my tracks

So they don’t know my path.

Undefined territory

My weapons are already prepared for me

I spent time working in the lab

Taking the pen to the pad on the visions that I had…

Traces of greatness defined only as particles in my mind

I had to find a sequence

To categorize these thoughts

So I could keep believing in what I’m seeing

Failure disguised as success

I’ve been less because I didn’t have the courage to give my best.

Thanks to the curve I barely passed the test.

Success yes…but failure is where you learn best…

I’m at peace and not stressed.

I’m glad you’re listening, letters from my internal prison

Bent and twisted

In fetal position

This poem speaks on the battle that I had to overcome within myself, over the concept of money. While playing football I didn’t receive joy, I became disengaged. I knew that the pursuit of money and fame is like walking on thin ice. But I wasn’t happy, my mother told me I needed to learn how to be happy for no reason. Money was a tool for happiness, so I left football in search of joy so if could be happy for no reason. In the pursuit of money, my mind fell victim to the struggles and I allowed myself to be defeated. I abandoned purpose for survival and I suffered. There’s a quote that I live by that helped drive my retirement. “In the absence of commitment and intent, the soul is relegated to experience the reactive content of the human mind” Unknown. So I freed myself from the torment on that journey, but I’m still trapped in the prison of human existence looking to make the best out of my time here on earth.

Palm trees…Air planes…Beaches

California sunshine

Primed for a rise into a stratosphere whereeeeeeeerre I disappear

Right before your eyes

Suddenly I vanish

Immediately you panic

Exactly how I planned it….

I’m the twisted ventriloquist twisting illiterate leaves of trees

Burning words on paper

Until they kiss the sky…

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Am purple haze

The newly born unicorn

One of a kind with a mind that can untie the deepest knots in life

All inspite of his own fight battling for light

Trying to see clearly into the rabbit hole.

I slip

But did not realize how far I would go Into this abyss

No sight as to how far I can go

I just know

That one foot in front in front of the other

Is the way to discover

A purpose hidden below the surface

I’m seeing

Deeper meaning than a human being breathing and just being im seeing that leaving a footprint is the blueprint to happiness

Specific on the craftiness…

Carpenter with life and how I’m crafting it..

Success is something that I have to get…

But success isn’t enough because that’s only half of it.

Growing up with the vision of being an NFL player, I saw the chance to have something to live for, something to alter my decisions. Realizing my vision at various stages allowed me to fully believe in the power of intention. Life left me befuddled and I became curious and started studying philosophy and sociology. I decided to live a life of purpose by giving back, but within that desire to help others, I still have to help myself be a professional human in my journey of life.

An unexamined life is not worth living

When I write I try to shine some light on my fight with life…

Tales from being in the darkness strapped in a harness…

Stuck…but I’m a fight regardless…

Not trying to be the hardest…

Just trying to be the last at the table cardless…

Playing the hand I’m dealt…

Walking tall even though the blows are felt…

Even been hit below the belt…

Welp…

That’s what happens in the fight with self…

You become both the enemy and the help….

Tales of two lives when I rise…

Like the Phoenix…

But this sequence…

Got me dreaming…

About a genius before my lifetime

Named Einstein

Reincarnated and planted into my mind…

That’s why I’m relentless…

And constantly pushing these limits…

Defying physics…

Architect to this system…

Deeper than religion…

Or some construct in a prism…

The only reason why I think about this stuff is because an unexamined life isn’t worth living.

Life is about making lemons out of lemonade. Einstein changed the world through thought experiments, exercising his mind to become Mr. Universe of mental fitness. He’s an example of how the power of thought can change the world. He once said, “Give me 24 hours to save the world and I’ll spend the first 23 hours figuring out the problem.”

Bright lights

Standing on stage underneath the lights

Nervous for my performance

Because the judge is life

I was ready for a fight

Until they wanted to see what happened in hindsight

What did I do with my gift?

How many times did it split?

Into a brick…to assist someone’s first step with an extra lift…

Added perspective provides a little twist…

Enough to shift…

A mind ill-equipped to resist the temptation to quit…

In life, as you’re learning…

You realize…

Self is the true burden…

And sadly…

It is true…

Perception is reality…

The lessons of reflection…

Allowed me to prepare for life’s next questions…

Like a test…

The reward for a job well done is another opportunity to do your best.

Or

Another opportunity to show how hard you studied for the test.

Unless you’re like the rest…

Scared of the first step…

So

In turn they never begin their quest.

This poem is about fear and judgement on your deeds of service. Life is not about money, life is about using yourself as a vessel to help others achieve their dreams. Throughout this process of life, self is the enemy. You create the world that you perceive, when you’re faced with opportunity you can either be ready to step up or be passed up. Life doesn’t wait. It may give you a second chance but opportunity is fleeting.

I Rise

Because of where I’m from

They thought I was stuck

Willing to give up

No path

So

I’ll catch the bus

Cause I’m in a rush and my time is almost up

I’ve had enough

No more room in my cup

For the stuff…

Pardon me

As I have to interrupt

Bc I’m caught in a rut

Bc of how I had life mixed up

My perception…

Jaded

By a mosaic that created

A twisted image

From a vision

Like the venom

From the forbidden fruit

Once it was bitten

Wisdom

Having to build the skill to tell the difference

Between creative limits

And internal prisons

Both are systems

Of thought

Leaving you lost and distraught

Looking for a map

On how to rebuild

Once you collapse

I predict your demise

based on the place

Where your mind resides

Me

It’s my time

From the darkness and ashes

Like a Phoenix

I rise…

When building anything, you need a blueprint. Something you can use to track progress of goal attainment. The circumstances of lower class America provide little hope from the outside world on any real success. Through self-mastery, you can rise above everything. If you start first by rising above your mind.

Sulfur cloud

I drop words on this paper like acid rain from a sulphur cloud.

Mad about how….

All of a sudden now…

Im standing out in the crowd….

I speak

low but my words come off loud….

Yeah…

I’m proud…

First I survived the urban genocide…

Then contemplated while I was being educated…

But I’m back….

With a map strapped to my back…

Suicide mission…

Hell bent on uplifting…

No shifting from the vision…

The message is simple…

Don’t look at anything physical….

The construct of life is ALL mental…

Spiritual engineers…

Utilizing both of our hemispheres…

The power of creation resides in the seeds in which we bloomed.

Cacooned.

Contortionist with life.

Now that the metamorphosis is in sight…

I ignite….

Spread my wings…

And take flight…

Back to life…

Free…

So I can sit and drop words on this paper like acid rain from a sulphur cloud.

I decided early on in life, that I would stay true to myself and not get caught in social norms. I made it out of the hood and went to college and experienced life consciously and grew. I took advantage of my opportunities so I sit in a different position of life. It’s the reward for a job well done. Believe in yourself and don’t take no for an answer.

Waiting to sprout

Let’s see if they listening…

Let see if they can pick up the beat and find the rhythm…

Let’s see if you can dance with me…

Understand that I’m not a fan of two left feet…

Walking to the beat of life when you can’t even see wit yo sight…

With yo hands you won’t fight

Wit yo mind you won’t think…

I…. Just wanna be

In the mirror and like what I see…

And not look down…

That’s when I start to lose the fit of my crown…

Locked into a battle…

To step away from the shadow…

Of self doubt…

So I close my mouth and go within to see what it’s all about…

I’m a giant

redwood seed…

Waiting to sprout…

There is power in realizing our potential and understanding our true power. Often times we doubt the vision because of the amount of work it takes to bring to life. There’s a quote I love, “Success is opportunity disguised as hard work”, whatever is worth it comes with a price tag. Time. You have to stay focused and learn how to dance with the beat of your life and your heart.

When the sun don’t shine

Gunshots, helicopters, Jordan’s hanging out from underneath white sheets outlined and surrounded by chalk chatter and talk about who knocked the kid off…nobody speaks…man vs food destroying beef…justice in these streets…

an eye for eye so now the whole community is blind…but we’re still trying to find our path if the blind lead the blind we’ll fall into the same trap…so I’m like Eli with this map climbing over obstacles like bumps seeing the game by touch…my eyes failed because they’ve seen too much…

I’m tired of running late to a meeting because I’m seeing a processional that’s the result of two hoods beefing leaving families grieving because their kin…eternally sleeping…

Marvin what’s going on what’s the reason…I’m tellin people that they should worry about believing in achieving and that life can be better but it starts with your thinking the diversion of survival has energy leaking…

losing steam…further and further away from yo dream…life is now this ‘thing’…we forgetting but need to start remembering about the blessings of the experience of human existence

choosing to walk a path that lead me back to the trap where I found the map now I’m a give it back…Harriet Tubman mold…no under ground road…life has shown the ugliness that human nature has bestowed on the mind of mankind..I’m a close it out with this line….death is what happens when the sun don’t shine…

Growing up in the stats as a number. I see that survival is different from thriving. As a culture we are trying to survive. Our visions our inside of us. It’s never too late to dust off an old dreams. Some antiques are worth a lot!

Deep Roots

She was made out of sugar and spice and everything nice…this is the beautiful side of life…

It was a concoction of something toxic…a parasite to the subconsciousness…a fight..

This is the dark side of life…and the place from which I write…

Hatred at the sight of a face..the mask of perception…deceiving reality…into circumstances being a tragedy…naturally one would quit automatically…and erase the life that I hate…making my way to the great escape…I want to create a new fate…but I’m feeling like it’s too late…the pressure on my chest is too great…I can’t breath and can’t move straight…I hyperventilate…panic attacks mixed with asthma attacks…walls closing in like a massive trap…I would like to tell that this was all a dream…but in the darkness of being these are all things that I’ve seen. Sadly in the valley there is no hope…no peak on the horizon…nowhere to go…so I move slow…so weak the enemy doesn’t know that I’m down to my final blow…rock bottom isn’t as low as you can go…walking on coal burning my feet chasing the fate of my soul…right before I gave up…I started to float…then I heard the footprint poem and they said this is the way to your soul…but first darkness is where you had to go…because it’s in darkness that deep roots begin to grow…

I wrote this poem after a bout of depressions and suicidal ideation. My pain was coming from the disappointment in the space between my vision and reality. But looking deeper at life allowed me to cultivate my soil as a dug up all my pain. This process fertilized the soil and lowed me to plant my seeds of self and begin to re grow.

Walking These Streets

I walk these streets in the dark all alone.

No lights. No clothes. No weapons and no phone.

Only one path to my destination and that’s me staying strong.

Malnourished. Tired. Restless and no support.

I’ve been going way too long.

I need a partner.

Someone to push me when I’m stuck.

Someone to grab me as I attempt to give up.

Someone to say yeah you’re finished but that’s not enough.

Someone to make me tough.

Somebody that understands my plan.

Somebody that understands the makings of a man.

Being viewed with pity.

Looking down on me… the young black man born and raised in the inner city.

Where pockets is empty.

Yeah not even a penny.

Someone needs to make it saying it simply.

The task found me and is flowing up in me.

Great is what I’m made to be.

But the burden on my shoulders has made me weak.

Trying to stay strong and make it through these streets.

Where the eyes get bleak.

And the mind gets weak.

I am the starter on this long lasting streak.

To me I can make a dream.

That for others may seem a worthless thing.

But as a living breathing being.

I keep fighting to answer someone else’s dream.

If I stop and have no heart.

These empty streets will remain dark.

This journey to success is only my part.

Helping someone else’s dreams get a little jump start.

So I fight to give my all.

So I can look at my city and say I won this fight for y’all.

This is a poem that I wrote in college that I think will be a constant thought in my life. As a culture and as a race we all need to evolve and be the change in the world that you wish to see. If you want to change the world, change yourself first, then spread the energy to others and inspire change by the light you radiate. Become a vessel of hope for someone else. We all have dreams, we all face roadblocks and obstacles but we can overcome. Know more. Be more. Do more. Thanks for reading!

Conversations with self.

My fist are bloody.
Stains on my spirit.

I did it.

Finally accepted the challenge.

Brute strength force of will.

I displayed this throughout my battle to life.

I caught a blow forcefully falling to the ground.

I’m getting pummeled.

But I still get up.

A gust of wind blows me to the side.
The earth rips in two.

Drops of bloody rain fall from the sky.

Thunder struck and hit me.

Sending electricity through my bloodstream.

These are the visions I have with reality through my soul.

Standing like a soldier.

Drenched in blood.

Fighting with all I have refusing to let go.

Sensations and urges splatter my way of thought.

Leaving me condemned with no way out.

Does anyone know I’m here?

Can you see me?

Or even hear me?

I need you to slide into my soul.

My eyes are the gateway.

Speak to me.

Share those things once only shared with yourself.

Reasoning out ways to show the inner me.

But I can’t as it gets difficult.

Wondering what it could be.

Conversations with self.

Failure is Death

Time to time again.

I’ll try again.

Just to die again.

You say, Why my friend?

Because at first it’s birth.

The you face the touch of the dying hand.

So which is worst.

If you die now.

You won’t inherit the earth.

Why die now?

Why not wait?

Because this death of trying is my fate.

Who said it was hopeless.

The sun will continue to rise.

As I refuse to let death glisten upon my eyes.

Death is inevitable.

We all must cry.

As we die.

So those who are alive.

Are those who never try.

So will I die of failure?

If so.

Why try to die and give my best.

Working until there is no breath left.

Because I realized that success is it.

Because failure is death.

What is Religion and Who is God

Is religion a way of life.

Guidelines set to steer us in the direction of right.

Is Jesus our savior shining in the night.

Or are we drones and robots that got lost and broken.

Then reassembled by a symbol.

The cross where Jesus Christ was lost, to save mankind who would’ve thought.

But is this true?

Or a glorified story.

But how is it so important, yet no man gets the glory?

His death was gory and foul.

Supposedly they still have the blood soaked towel.

But what is religion?

Is God the space in your heart that’s missing?

Or the certainty in making that tough decision.

Or the artist of your very own life vision.

Does he try and make us strive by inserting drive.

But why does life hurt?

He gave us eyes to cry.

At the things we hate and despise.

What about the guy who hides inside of his disguise of life without a purpose.

Does God create worth in a place that’s worthless?

What is religion and Who is God?

How can we use this religious system so similar to others but so very different.

Why are many good and many others called useless?

The book of life gives us motivation, while we are slaving, suffering from deprivation.

In this life when things that’s wrong often seem right.

Fogging our sight and vision.

Leading to poor decisions.

Opposite of incision.

Which means to cut into.

But don’t let this message miss you.

Let it get through as a provider of encouragement.

Relaxation and spiritual nourishment.

That leads to blossoming and flourishing.

Life is a newborn child so why are you hurting it.

What is religion and Who is God?

Is religion glasses for our blindness.

Or a way to defy science.

Science explains the actions generated from our brain.

The reason why we wake up?

If today was perfect there would be no need for tomorrow.

So there.

A chance to get better the next day.

Or that’s what they say.

But I sit curious.

As we overlook our near death experience.

Going on Godly support. Hmmmmmmmm.

What could this be?

Simple.

Just simply going to sleep.

But what about the person that doesn’t see the light of day.

I have nothing to say.

As we see the same fate.

Good or bad.

Worst or best.

Ultimately we have to fight with death.

But as I search just to say.

This is pointless because we have the same fate.

But I still think…Who is God and What is

religion.

My life here on earth

The wind blows by as we pass the cries.

Sent from the skies.

With our naked ears and eyes.

All of natures things display his hurt.

Showing his pain down here on earth.

We create problems and equations to figure a mans worth.

Let’s just take it back to birth.

Created from breath and dirt.

And the days we haven’t seen.

That magical place in our dreams.

Where we have glorious life in all things.

And where our life really gets sweetened.

As we find our secret garden right next to Eden.

Some are lost and not believing.

Trust me now because the train is leaving.

It’s safe to say that our final resting place is far away.

The ride is long. But I want the day.

My cries are heard and no more pain is felt.

My heart is joyful thanks to Gods help.

I’m staying strong as the wait is long as I fulfill my purpose on Earth.

I wait on God and my second birth.

Choosing Hope

No matter how bitter or sweet the taste.

The flow of life makes no mistakes.
A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush.

In blackjack matching the dealer is only a push.

Life is cruel but will oblige.

Be sure of what you see because it’s often a mirage.

Blinded by hope free from fear.

The heart will grow and dreams will soon appear.

I choose hope.

Hope that at the end of the rainbow there’s growth.

Or at least a rope.

To hang on incase there’s nowhere to go.

I’m at the end of that rope.

Struggling not to let go.

Wishing that I could float.

But even then where would I go?

“To understand life is to eliminate the fear of death…”

Lately I’ve been scared…

Thoughts about a premature death have me living impaired…

Sometimes I want to give up…

Like fcku this….

Other times I feel like I need to tip the scales of social justice…

Every day is a grind…

As I release what’s been implanted into my mind…

The seed of life…

From the divine…

But tonight if I die…Know that I lived my life…

Struggles and setbacks

Trials and tribulations

Struggling to find my destination…

Been lost in some dark places…

Emptiness is so tasteless…

Thoughts speeding over the center divider…

Looking in the mirror….

I’m a walking liar….

Instinctively…

I knew…

I needed to dwell in a place that was higher…

But…

I was stuck with no way out…

Life chewed me up…

Didn’t like the taste spit me out….

But if I died tonight…Know I lived my life.

Love has been a battle.

More so with ego…

Trying to fill my empty cup with other people…

I was trapped by ideas of what is and what isn’t…

Seeing love for it’s limits…

Lost in the flaws of a human form…

Deceived by what I believed.

Indeed I see…

That loooove…

Is what you make it…

It could be magical in the moment…

If chosen…Walk your path and own it…

Actions speak louder than words…

So I’m going mute…

As I’m growing…

When I turn into a butterfly…

Hopefully it’s myself that I’m showing…

To you…

But of I died tonight…Know I lived my life…

At first it seems…

That we’re driven by dreams…

But it’s deeper than the surface…

Each of us is here on earth with a particular purpose…

The answers are within…but we still go searching…

To find something that makes sense…

Something to make life better than what it is…

Take it from me…

The pursuit of happiness had me stuck…

Had me thinking that I had 7 years of bad luck…

I almost gave up…

Then decided to fight back…

And get out of this trap…

I’ve found the light…

I see the path…

Now I walk…the village is my path.

I said I’ll return. Now I’m back.

But if I died tonight…know I lived my life…

Now…

I sit at the helm of the boat…

Reflecting on the storm…

Grateful that we are still afloat…

The calm waters…

The gentle breeze…

Make me think.

Life is a journey…

With one step at a time…

The biggest obstacles is the mind…

Before I wrote this poem I was scared to die.

Afraid of death..

Do all I can until my last breath…

I’m gonna fight…

But if I died tonight…Know I lived my life…

Who Am I?

I am a freethinker.

I am an independent force in this universe.

I have my own values.

I live by these values.

I believe in myself.

I understand I’m not perfect, nor am,

I always right.

I can admit if I am wrong.

I had a dream.

I had a vision.

I had a plan.

I understood that a straight path only leads to its destination.

I gave all I had, to achieve my goal.

I didn’t care what others thought.

I knew they wouldn’t matter in the long run.

I wanted to be happy.

I didn’t want to have anyone to blame for my life but me.

I was brave.

I was confident.

I was blessed.

I listened to my heart.

I told you my dreams.

I let my actions speak louder than my words.

I am telling you NOW that I want more.

I won’t be denied.

I will strive for everything I dream of.

I may come up short, but

I know, if I shoot for the moon,

I might miss and hit a star.

I am sure because,

I AM ME

Escape from Prison

Locked in a cell.

With no bars and no walls.

I have freedom to go as far as the cell will let me.

I am the boss.

The guards.

The dogs.

The would be cell and the would be bars.

I control what I do and the things about.

But why can’t I let myself out.

What is this all about?

I see the plan.

Plan the time of day.

To carry out my perfect plan and getaway.

From the prison.

The prison of self.

Without A voice

I am on the way to the top with no actual viewing of it.

I tried to hear the top by shouting.

But with no guidance and experience I stand here mad and pouting.

This is reality mixed up with the dream.

As I venture to the top I visualize it as it is not what it seems.

The dream to me is greater than a ship full of treasure.

But if I tried to share the dream to you it seems oh so regular.

You don’t support because you think it’s simple and plain.

So you attack me and hamper me with chains.

Now you’re not a believer.

But when I make it belief will be no choice.

Because my dreams spoke to me without a voice.

Life is a Game of Chess

When is it going to finally dawn.

That life is chess and we are the pawn.

We move as the player is ready to move.

And we are in no position to chose.

We can only move forward and never go back.

If it were up to the pawns it wouldn’t be like that.

Some of the moves may be a test.

If you’re chosen you need to do your best.

At the present time it may seem cool.

Until you’re killed on the very next move.

So if on that move the gamer makes.

Your life is taken than that’s your fate.

Fate is something we must take.

Trust that fate is never late.

Winning is the players job.

Losing is never an option because the player is God.

Penmanship

Life made a mistake when it put me in the same place as my fate..

Thinking we wouldn’t have a face to face.

Thinking that I wouldn’t recognize me.

Thinking that I wouldn’t recognize all that I could be.

I always thought I was a gardener here to plant a tree.

To create shade and grow crops so other people could eat.

When I saw this self…

I wasn’t too proud to ask for help.

He redirected me to the path to true wealth.

He said the first step is to heal thyself.

Without that you’ll walk around with a giant weight anchored to your belt.

Unable to see the world let alone self.

My biases began to melt and the mirage began to fade.
This is when I woke up and put the pen to this page.

The Fight with Love

If I did I will be.

Faced with the fact that I would have to reveal me.

Take your love dagger and fucking kill me.

It’s better being dead than alive.

Tortured and tormented.

Forced to cry.

Struggle and strive.

Scratch and claw.

To discover loves one only flaw.

Making the truth hurt since it’s given raw.

It has me lost as I search my soul.

Tired and fatigued.

Weary and can’t breathe.

The stars guide me to my place of rest.

Rejected by life and faced with death.

Even after I gave my best.

Can I make it with my best?

Even though there’s nothing left.

So far to go.

To face the blow.

When love meets life and at best it’s death fighting love with nothing left.

Rose

Morning bliss as the sun hips the mist on the lips of the rose blossomed and fully exposed with a beautiful smell.

Red with LOVE.

Love amazing in it’s complexities like the petals.

Each petal telling a story about struggle and survival.

Death and revival. From a pebble to a gem. To the thorns upon the stem.

A stem is wild and represents love.

Or true love in general. Hard to grasp it at first sight. Leading to an inner fight. To grab and hold the rose.

With thorns it’s hard to hold it. Even though you know you can’t control it.

Some see beautiful petals and think that’s the rose.

I suppose that’s right.

But who really knows the truth.

If your heart were the rose.

Always precious and in need of protection.

The thorns act as the mind guarding the soul.

Or in this case the soul from being destroyed.

But at the end of the day the thorns came through providing protection to the most important part of you.

Allowing your beauty to shine with the morning bliss as the sun hits the lips of the rose blossomed and fully exposed with a beautiful smell.

venom

The wheels are spinning…

As I open the syringes…

To drop this venom…

That’s…

Infiltrating yo system…

Parasitical prisms…

Delivering…

A toxic dose…

Of the words I just wrote…

Allergic reaction…

Causing…

Tightness in yo throat…

Afraid you gon choke…

Relax…

Breathe…

Stay up and Pray…

This is a virus…

On automatic pilot….

Riding on a chariot with a trident…

You playing with

A vernacular that’s dangerous

Spectacular arrangements

Framing the disdain of a brain gone insane

Straight jackets and opiums

Got me closing in

Hovering over Air Force one

Like here he come

Villainous concoction

The joker mixed with a little Obama

So I destroy the hope for the people

Build it up and die before the sequel

Leaving you with the preview

Eyes wide shut

Dialated people

You will never equal

The venom and rage…

Preserved…

A product…

A descendant of slaves…

The apple dropped on me like einstein…

My notes is on the other page…

Don’t be mad it at me

For being in the same park

as the theory of gravity

It had to be

Sad to see

the tragedy

Of getting to the door and busting it open automically

Pure savagery

This ain’t even half of me

The other half

A mess you up like coke and the acid from a battery

Artisan display

Dropping words

Causing physical decay

Eating away like a mind virus

Getting you high like con-air

Then I show up like Cyrus…

The virus….

With a ice pick and a trident…

Like Zeus…

Sparing the chosen few…

Blood over your door…

Thirsty for more…

No doubts..

Im coming for sure…

Like the great plagues…

this is only the phase one so don’t flip the page…

Stay in a safe place….

I kill what’s been found…

No sight..

So I’m ultra sensitive to sound…

So don’t move….

Before I choose…

To Attack you..

Like a mongoose

Spitting my truth

No signs of no truce

Guerrilla warfare

From a maniac

Strategically positioning himself like a brainiac

Sidestepping the spots where you laid the trap…

Like I made the map…

I’m done with this poem it’s time to go play it back…

Apollo

Start running…this is my official poetic introduction…aiming…sight sets…on…laying…bodies on the cement…after he spit…no pretense…brain leaking…from overthinking…so it’s overheating…me…I’m over eating…..intellectually digesting…life lessons…on my plate..at a rate…that makes me think…that my fate…is destined to be great…of course…there will be debate…I can already relate…to the hate…been there done that..played the game…won that…I’m back…to exact revenge on this system…let people know what u can do with envisioning and diligence..life shifting…reconfiguring to something bigger…something great…be a go getter…Dont WAIT…that’s a regrettable mistake. Life is lived in the moment…go create…own it…I’m chosen…so says the omen…so take this is truth. Call me Apollo. Son of Zeus

Thesis on Civil Disobedience

This is my thesis. The removal of lesions. Scars on my back from civil disobedience. Absentminded to societal reasoning. Purging on my soul. Difficulty breathing. Breathing the oxygen that gives you life. Moral compass pointed true south. No morality. No concept of right. Blindly enticed by the shimmering light of fools gold. Walking in darkness confusing it as light. Adjusted sight to the state of blindness. Untying the knot of thought you do not. A subconscious unconscious. Avoiding the process. Backspace backspace. Deliberate deletion of the thoughts secreted from a brain once believing. That it’s deeper than what you’re seeing. Blurred lines on the images that shine. The sublime consent. With subliminal intent. Constructions they invent. Meant to discourage courage. But encourage getting lost in the mirage of facades. Direct dialect. Delayed gratification on the soul development. Common answer to do you know yourself..I haven’t tried that yet. Immersed in the diversion. Diverting from self-discovery. The necessary pain not deemed worthy. Instead you chose a state of constantly hurting. The destination is the journey. The reward of peace of mind is peace in the time when you’ve completed the climb. Mark your arrival and inscribe. I was here. The top of Mt. Self. Plant the flag. A location point if you want to get back. Or a point to be desired if you’re getting stuck in the trap. So here comes the story of the rat. Who will chew off his own leg off to get out of the trap. I wouldn’t accept the bribe of a fictitious life. Surviving in the wilderness fighting for my life. Searching for deliverance. To the space of lost innocence. I’m living it. Peaceful over belligerence. Dying inside. NO sense of pride. I tried to decide on the plain in which i’ll reside. External darkness. Seemingly harnessed. By the chain on my brain. Mental imprisonment. But this darkness is only perception. Physical death to spiritual resurrection. I was constantly tested. To see how much I was invested. The depth of my reflections. Reflected me being implanted. On earth. The seed of diving. A being thats infinite. Truly limitless. No circumstance Will limit my advance. An introspective trance is my partner as i dance. Interlocking eyes. Looking into the future at my demise. Lost by losing sight. But I wont write these word to my life. I won’t chose flight. I’ll aways ignite the fight within. And begin to overcome the obstacles. Using all steps possible. Strictly logical. No missteps. No debacle. Its not even plausible to think or speak of defeat. Because its not what I see. But I seek peace and a healthy state of being. No explanation needed. The warnings have been heeded. A believer believing in achieving. Separation from the go. Trying to spread the message to the people. That we’re all equal. The only handicap is the mind. So take one step at a time. Use the guidance from the intellectual alliance. Keep striving to be self-reliant. Avoiding the excitement of arriving at a false destination. One of self-incarnation. Fending off starvation from lack and limitation. All a self creation. This is the root of the problems we are facing. The state of empty beings. I’m releasing pretense. Gaining strength and clarity. Getting clearer. Finding the courage to look in the mirror. The hideous image shatters into pieces. I’m leaving it for you to clean this. Bare hands no Kleenex. Digest the food for thought. Because this is my thesis. The removal of lesions.

King

I had a dream, that I became a King.

Cloaked in gold.

A mission with a vision.

Ascension to a new position.

One that was prewritten.

Long before my physical existence.

Royal roots extending into the distance.

No eyes, so it’s unlimited vision.

No ego, so i’m infused with the Ancient Wisdom.

Seeing life through a prism,

I learn the professional steps for living.

For making a difference.

Entrusted to make a decision,

based on a vision in my dream.

When I woke up, I decided to be a King.

Crashing Waves

In between crashing waves…I stop to praise….

Connect to my heart so my soul can raise…

Instead of being beaten battered and dazed…

My physical death was staged…

So I could drop the pen and turn the page…

Get out the sun…

Back into the shade…

Back to the cards I’ve been dealt thats ready to be played….

Staying engaged with source…

Blind so I live by braille and morse code…

As I let my eyes erode from being exposed to the mold…

So I chose to dispose of the ropes holding onto false hopes…

But In between crashing waves…I stop to praise…

Untitled

Whats the difference between the beads of sweat dripping from the brow of an athlete on the world stage in the NBA Finals or the Super Bowl…

Versus the beads of sweat that dripped from the brows of our cotton and tobacco picking ancestors on the plantation…

Our 40 acres and a Mule….

Sports and Entertainment…

Share croppers with the payment…

But even those wages can’t erase the pages that they re-wrote…that misspoke…that wiped out the culture of our people…

They saw the preview…and made sure there was no sequel…never again will the Nigger think of himself as equal…Always seeing himself below other people..

Thinking his crown is meant as a step for another to walk down…

Instead of being proud…saying it out loud…

I am the descendant of survivors…

No question as to how I’m wired…nor questions on the work that causes me to perspire…

Going higher…

To achievement mode…and to thrive…race wide…those are my aspirations and my goals…

To battle strong….

On the road full of pits and obstacles and opportunities for debacles…leaving you stuck like a fossil…

Whats even possible…Beyond the rationale and logical…

For me it’s to make reality out of the impossible….

Its just something I gotta do…To my soul i must be true…

I’ll face many deaths just to survive for you…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s